


Can't Do It

by Zed777



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Enemies to Friends, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, L doesn't die, L is a Little Shit (Death Note), L lives, Light can't kill L, Memory Loss, Minor Amane Misa/Rem, Mystery, Past Abuse, Yagami Light Doesn't Remember Being Kira
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29030877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zed777/pseuds/Zed777
Summary: Everything was working out according to plan. Rem will kill L and Watari and Light will go unchallenged. So why can't Light do it? And what will happen to the Kira investigation if he can't?
Relationships: L & Yagami Light, Ryuk & Yagami Light
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't let L die like that.

Light approached the rooftop in search of L. It didn’t take long for him to find the detective standing by the edge in the pouring rain. If he were looking at anyone else, Light would have been confused but he’s come to expect this kind of behaviour from L.  _ The man doesn’t seem capable of doing anything normal,  _ Light thought. 

“What are you doing out there, Ryuzaki?” he asked when L met his eyes. The detective raised a hand to his ear and looked at Light expectantly.

“What are you doing out there, Ryuzaki?” Light repeated louder. L made the same signal, grinning this time. Light sighed, and glanced at the rain pouring down on the roof before carefully stepping into it and towards L. 

“What are you doing, Ryuzaki?” he asked for the third time once he was standing a few feet from the older man. 

“Well, I’m not doing anything in particular, but.” L paused and looked up at the rain. “The sound of bells” 

“Bells?”

“Yes, the bells have been really noisy today.”

“I don’t hear anything.”

“Really? They’ve been ringing all day and I can’t help but feel curious. Do you suppose it's a church? A wedding? Or perhaps…”

_ A funeral? What on earth is that man talking about. He can’t know, can he?  _

“What are you talking about, Ryuzaki? Don’t be saying such silly things. Let's go back.”

L looked down, something akin to resignation on his face. “I’m sorry.” 

_ What is he sorry for? Why is he acting so weird tonight? _

“Everything I say is complete nonsense, so,” the detective continued,.”please don’t believe any of it.”

Light tilted his head.  _ What’s going on? This is weird behaviour even for him. Could this be a trick? He must still suspect me. But I don’t understand his angle… besides; this doesn’t feel like a trap. This seems… genuine.  _ The younger of the two smiled and chuckled slightly.

“That's right Ryuzaki. Most of what you say is nonsense. There would be no end if I took you seriously all the time. I know that the best.”

“Yes, that's right, Light-kun”

Light was about to say something else; try to get the detective to come inside, but L continued before he had the chance.

“But, that's true for both of us.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever told the truth at one point in your entire life?”

Suddenly it was as the sound of the rain, the traffic, everying, cut out. All that was left was Light and L.  _ So he does know, huh? And what's this supposed to be? Some attempt to get me to admit it? All this proves is that you still have nothing on me. I’m going to win.  _ Despite the triumphant tone his thoughts took on, a deep ache began to gnaw at his chest.  _ If all goes according to plan, you’ll be dead by morning, Ryuzaki.  _ Light held the older man’s gaze. Neither saying anything for a moment.

“What are you talking about, Ryuzaki? It's true, I lie once in a while. But how many people spend their entire lives only telling the truth? Humans aren’t perfect. Everyone lies. Even so, I’ve been careful not to tell lies that will hurt others. That's my answer.”

L just stared at him for a moment longer before looking away. “I thought you’d say that.”

Light wasn’t sure if that was disappointment or acceptance on his face. Maybe a combination of both, and honestly, Light wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“Let's go back. We’re drenched,” the young man suggested.

“Yeah.”

\-------------------------------------------

Light sat on the staircase, drying off his hair and face.  _ It’ll all be over tonight… I know it, Rem knows it, and judging by the way he’s acting, L knows it too. I’m finally going to win. I outsmarted the best detective in the world, every threat to me will be eliminated, and I will be the god of the world I’ve been imagining. So… why do I feel like the minutes are counting down to my death, instead of Ryuzaki’s? _

“Well, that was awful”  _ Speak of the devil. _

“Well, it's your own fault for standing in the rain like that.”

“Your right. I’m sorry.”

_ Again with the apologizing. Can’t he just act normal. He’s making this harder than it has to be.  _ **_He’s not even fighting it._ ** _ It’s like he knows he’s going to die and he’s just accepting it. Where’s the detective so determined to catch Kira he’d chain himself to a college student for months. And why is his behaviour making it so much harder to feel victorious.  _

Light’s thoughts were cut off when he felt the detective grab his foot.

“What are you doing Ryuzaki?” 

“I thought I’d help you, since you're drying yourself off so enthusiastically.”

“You don’t have to do that.”  _ Stop acting weird. Stop acting so defeated. Stop making me want to spare you. _

“I can give you a massage too. It's the least I could do to atone for this. I’m pretty good at it.” 

Light looked away, “Do as you like.” 

“Alright.” 

A sharp pain shot through Light’s foot. “Hey-”

“You’ll get used to it.”

Light stared at L as droplets of water fell from his onyx colored hair and onto the young man’s leg. He reached for the towel.

“You’re still wet,” he said, pressing the towel against L’s hair.

“I’m sorry,” L mumbled before returning his focus to Light’s foot.

_ Well isn’t this a scene? A mortal massaging the feet of his God before his death.  _ **_Or washing the feet of his betrayer before his crucifixion._ ** Light quickly dismissed the thought.  _ No, I’m the god of this world. He’s the one who crossed me; he’s the one who got in my way.  _

_ He’s getting what he deserves. _

_ \-------------------------------- _

“Where’s the Shinigami!?” L shouted.  _ Ever the observant one. That’ll be over in a few seconds. _

Light turned to the rest of the task force, “Go look for Rem! Stop her!” They didn’t think twice before running out of the room.  _ Idiots. _

Light turned to L, preparing something to say, deciding what should be the last thing the detective hears. He didn’t get the chance. L’s eyes grew wide and his shoulders tensed. A light grunt escaped his throat as he began to fall from his chair. The best detective on Earth was dying. It should be a victory, so why does Light feel like the ground just crumbled from beneath his feet. Before L could reach the ground, Light tackled him the rest of the way.  _ What's going on? It’s not supposed to feel this way. _

“GODDAMMIT, I TAKE IT BACK!” Light was shouting before he knew what he was doing. He looked around the room, praying his voice would reach the Shinigami. “REM DON’T YOU DARE KILL HIM! IF HE DIES I SWEAR I’LL-”  _ What are you doing you idiot,  _ “I’LL KILL MISA MYSELF!” Suddenly the quiet choking sound coming from the man below him was cut off as the detective gasped, his shoulders arching back and his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Finally, the man blinked for the first time since Light’s known him and his back lowered to rest on the ground, his entire body racked with tremors from his incomplete heart attack. He was staring up at Light with an unreadable expression.  _ Fear? Confusion? Hope? All of the above?  _

Light’s grip on L’s shoulders increased to a bruising pressure and the detective tensed, the tremors increasing. Light’s head was angled down, his hair covering his eyes from L’s view, but the detective felt a drop of something hit his collar and he knew the young man’s hair had long since dried. He began searching for an escape. He had to find the others… he had to find Watari. He could kick Light off him, but he likely wouldn’t do much damage in his weakened state. 

“...why?” L’s eyes snapped back to Light’s face at the sound of the young man’s voice. “Why couldn’t you just let me win!? I WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN!” Light finally met the detective’s eyes, tears pouring down his face. “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!?” One hand left L’s shoulders to force his head back so he could yell in the detectives face. “WHY DID YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE  _ I’M  _ THE MONSTER! I’M THE GOD! I BRING JUSTICE! I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE-” Light’s eyes snapped shut, desperately trying to control the onslaught of tears. His grip loosened on the detective and he slowly retracted his hand from the man’s hair. “I’m not supposed to be the monster.” 

Light sat back on his knees, still straddling the detective, unable to look at the man below him.

“Then why did you turn into one?” Despite being slightly raspy, L’s voice still held the familiar monotony it always did. Light didn’t respond, choosing to get off the detective and begin pacing the floor. Mumbling to himself about what to do now.

L wasted no time and took his opportunity to run. Somehow managing to get to his feet and bolt. 

“Hey!” Light shouted, chasing after him. He couldn’t let him find the others. 

The detective wouldn’t be able to outrun him for long, not in the condition he’s in. Light was within arms reach of L when he suddenly slipped on something and tumbled to the ground. The detective didn’t spare a glance at the young murderer before dashing around the corner. 

Light looked down to see what tripped him.  _ An apple.  _ He heard a snicker behind him and whipped his head around to see Ryuk a few meters away, snickering.  _ Damn Shinigami.  _ Light’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t have time to snap at the god of death. L was still alive and he couldn’t risk him reaching the other members of the task force. 

“What are you going to do, Light?” Ryuk asked, grinning. Light got to his feet and turned around the same corner he saw L go, refusing to answer the Shinigami’s question. Looking down the hallway, there was no sign on the detective.  _ Where did he go? _

“Ryuzaki!” Light whisper called. “L!” 

There was no response.  _ Not that I expected one.  _ Not wanting to raise his voice out of fear of anyone else hearing him and doubting Ryuk would be of any help, Light resolved to search the rooms instead.  _ He couldn’t have made it far, his strength would give out eventually after all that. And he knows that too. He most likely would’ve tried to hide in one of the rooms, hoping I would run past him. ...Unless he knows I would think about that and kept running, counting on me wasting time by searching the rooms.  _

It bothered Light that even after all this time, he still couldn’t read the other man. He always seemed to be one step ahead of him, calculating every move the student could make and acting accordingly.  _ And the one time you had the upper hand, you blew it.  _ What was wrong with him? This was supposed to be easy. I was a goddamn supernatural notebook, he practically had all the powers of a god of death. Hell, he was manipulating a god of death to do his will. He had every advantage someone could possibly have and yet somehow, all it took to figure him out was some sleep deprived social recluse with no knowledge of the supernatural. It was infuriating.

Light froze in his tracks when a slight shuffling sound came from the door to his right; the room where Watari died.  _ Rem didn’t save him too did she?  _ He thought spitefully.  _ Why are you mad at Rem? She did everything you asked. I didn’t even know she could stop someone’s death mid-way through it. What else did she keep from me? _

Light walked through the door and took in the scene in front of him. Watari was still dead.  _ Makes sense, he was already dead when I told Rem to stop.  _ L was seated beside Watari’s body in his usual crouch, his head hung low and his hand placed on the old man’s shoulder. He was still shaking, though Light couldn’t tell if it was from weakness or grief. He approached the detective, who had yet to acknowledge his presence. The two remained silent for several minutes; Light looking at L, L looking at Watari, and Watari’s lifeless eyes looking at the ceiling. Finally, L broke the silence.

“What are you going to do now, Light-kun?”

For the second time, Light found himself unable to answer that burning question. He blinked slowly and furrowed his eyebrows. Eventually, took a deep breath and rested his hand on L’s shoulder. The detective tensed slightly but other than that, didn’t react to the contact. 

“Ryuk,” Light turned his head slightly to meet the eyes of the Shinigami who was watching everything unfold from the corner of the room closest to the door. 

“Of course there’s another one.” L chuckled humorlessly. Light cast a quick glance at the detective before returning his focus to Ryuk. 

“Rem didn’t kill L. Does that mean she’s still alive?”

“Doubt it. Her death became unavoidable the second that old geezer took his last breath.” Ryuk said, nodding towards Watari. 

Light nodded. “So…” his eyebrows scrunched up further as if it physically pained him to say his next words. His hand tightened on L’s shoulder. No reaction came from the older man, he was focused intently on Light’s conversation. Or at least the side of it he could hear. 

“So, who should I return the death note to then?” Light finally managed to say.

Ryuk looked amused but not necessarily surprised. “I suppose you could return it to me. But are you sure you want to do that, Light? You’ll be giving up all your memories of the Death Note,” he gestured at L, “along with his and everyone else's. This’ll be a rather confusing situation to explain won’t it?” The shinigami suddenly started laughing. “Not to mention Misa will be the only one left with her memories, and something tells me she won’t be so eager to give them up.”

“Ryuk,” Light ground out, his hand clenching into a grip he was sure would leave bruises on the detective, who was currently watching him warily out of the corner of his eye. “Just get rid of it.”

Ryuk’s laugh died down to a chuckle, “Alright, Light. See you around. Maybe.” And with that, Ryuk stepped through the wall, laughing to himself about humans and how amusing they are. 

_ This is it. Any second now, I’ll forget everything. I wonder what I’ll think has happened. I wonder what L will think has happened.  _ Light sighed and glanced down at the detective, who was staring up at him now, studying his face, trying to figure out Light’s plan. Light glared at the man crouched below him and L could’ve swore he saw something red glowing in Light’s eyes. 

_ Why did you make me spare you. Why couldn’t I kill you. I had no problem letting you die when I thought you were Lind. L. Taylor. I had no problem planning your death when Misa first met you. So when I finally had the chance, why couldn’t I do it? Ryuga. Ryuzaki. L. When did I actually start seeing you as a frie- _

Just like that, the red disappeared from his eyes and all that was left in the room was a concerned student, a confused detective, and a dead body.


	2. Chapter 2

“Ryuuzaki?! Are you okay?” Light shouted, falling to his knees beside the detective. “You can’t run out on me like that! I thought you were gonna die!”

L’s eyes swam with confusion as he stared at the teen in silence.  _ What happened? I’m alive. Why am I alive? I’d been having a heart attack hadn’t I? But I survived. And I was running. I was running here.  _ L looked down at the prone form of Watari. “I-... I apologize, Light-kun. I had to find Watari.” L could have sworn there was more to it. He remembered the fear.  _ Fear for Watari? Fear for the others? Fear for myself? No. No, I wasn’t afraid  _ for  _ anyone. I was afraid  _ of  _ something… but what?” _

“Ryuuzaki...?”

_ And why did Watari and I have a heart attack? The latest Kira had been apprehended the other day, spouting nonsense about a magical notebook. But… then  _ he  _ died.  _

“Ryuuzaki?”

_ Could it be whoever has Kira’s power now somehow found out mine and Watari’s identity. But how? And why did I survive? No one has ever survived Kira before and yet, here I am. Is Kira’s method of killing fallible after all? Or maybe I wasn’t even having a heart attack. It's not like I have a frame of reference for something like that. But what else could it have been…? _

“Ryuuzaki!” Light shouted, grabbing the man’s shoulder to shake him out of his thoughts. L winced.  _ And why does my shoulder hurt so bad? _

“Ryuuzaki, you're starting to scare me.”

L finally brought his focus back to reality and the student sitting right in front of him, face flooded with concern. 

“I apologize again, Light-kun. I… I suppose I’m rather confused at the moment.”

The concern on Light’s face was quickly joined by sympathy. “Of course you are, Ryuzaki. After everything that just happened…” He glanced warily at the body only a few centimeters away, clearly unsettled by the presence of the corpse. “Come on, we should find the others and get you some medical attention.”

L cast one more sorrowful glance to his former mentor before nodding and allowing Light to help him to his feet and support him as they left the room.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“I’m so sorry, Ryuuzaki!” Matsuda cried, “We shouldn’t have left you alone!”

L shifted his weight on the couch, avoiding looking at Light as the college student attempted to shine a flashlight in his eyes. The members of the task force were hovering over the detective, seemingly worried he would drop dead any minute.

“Do not worry about it, Matsuda.” He said, turning his head away from the flashlight again, “I told you I believed Kira was in the building. Or at least the second Kira. How else could they have gotten mine and Watari’s name?” 

That damned flashlight was becoming a nuisance. As the bright light started to approach his face again, he lifted his hand and slapped light’s hand away, which seemed to be the snapping point for the young man.

“Dammit, Ryuuzaki! Just sit-” Light grabbed L’s shoulder “-still!” and forced his back against the back of the couch as he finally managed to check the detective’s pupils, ignoring L’s wince. Once he was satisfied that L didn’t have a head injury, Light turned off the flashlight and put the device down.

“That would’ve been much faster if you would corporate.”

When he got no reply, Light looked up at the detective’s face, which was as emotionless as ever. If it weren’t for the fact that Light spent months with L (several of them handcuffed to him), he would have missed the slight twitch of his eye and the way his hands tightened a bit on his knees, which seemed to be curled closer to his chest than usual. 

“Ryuuzaki?”

“Please release my shoulder, Light-kun.” 

“Your shoulder…?” Instead of letting go, Light briefly squeezed L’s shoulder, quickly 

retracting his hand when the detective winced again. “You  _ are  _ hurt!”

“I assure you, I am fine. Just a bit sore.”

Light raised an eyebrow and groaned inwardly at the man’s stubbornness. The man 

would probably hide a bullet wound if he could. 

“Ryuzaki,” Soichiro spoke up, “if you are hurt, I would advise you to let my son take a look. He’s no medical expert but he knows more than we do and we can’t exactly take you to the hospital.”

“I hardly think a sore shoulder is cause for medical attention.”

“C’mon, Ryuuzaki! Just let me see!” Light yanked the collar of L’s shirt as far down his shoulder as it would go. The detective quickly landed a brutal kick on Light’s chest, sending him to the floor, but not before the college student caught sight of the bruises covering the man’s shoulder. 

“Light!” Soichiro called, ever the concerned father.

“I’m alright,” Light waved his father off and began to stand up. 

“Was that really necessary?” Aizawa asked, annoyance at the detective’s antics beginning to outweigh his concern.

“He invaded my space without permission. I’d say the response was appropriate.” L eyed the student warily as Light began to approach him again. “Careful, Light-kun. As you just witnessed, I still have plenty of my strength left.”

Light didn’t seem too threatened, but his eyes did narrow minutely. He knelt in front of the detective, “Ryuuzaki, how did you get those bruises?” he demanded. 

L shrugged, “your guess is as good as mine Light-kun. I haven’t exactly had a chance to look at them myself”

Light sighed and stood up. “Well, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. They didn’t seem serious.”

“It’s still odd that you don’t know how you got them though, isn’t it?” Matsuda piped up.

“A lot of things about this night have been odd.” Soichiro replied. “I think what we all need right now is to get some rest. We can figure the rest out in the morning.”

“What- what about Watari?” 

Soichiro threw a quick glance to L, who was staring at the floor. “I don’t know, Matsuda. I believe that is up to Ryuuzaki.”

L kept his gaze focused on the floor but he seemed to hunch in on himself further. Soichiro was about to repeat the question more directly when the detective finally spoke up.

“I will contact the necessary individuals. There can be no public funeral and the world is not to know about Watari’s death.” With that, L rose from the couch and started walking in the direction of his room. 

The members of the task force wanted to ask more questions, such as who the people L would be contacting were, but they figured they wouldn’t get an answer anyway and the detective clearly wasn’t in the right mindset to continue any conversation for the night. Well, it was clear to everyone except Matsuda apparently. 

“Wait, Ryuuzaki-!” Everyone shot the well-meaning detective a scathing look and he instantly withered. “G-goodnight…” he finished lamely. 

L paused for a moment but didn’t look over his shoulder. “No. No, I don’t believe it is…”

The task force watched him leave the room, not sure how to respond to that. After a moment of silence, Soichiro suggested they all turn in for the night, everyone murmuring their agreement.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What do you mean Light gave up the Death Note!?”

“He gave it up. Relinquished ownership. I don’t know too many synonyms for it but I’m sure you get the point.”

“I don’t get it!”

“Really, cause I think that was pretty clea-”  
“How could he give up on our mission like that?! Did he have any instructions for me? Is this temporary? To get Ryuuzaki off his back?”

“Nope, no instructions. Sounded pretty permanent to me.” 

“But- but I can’t do this without him! And if he’s still on the task force, what happens if he finds me? Then we could never be together!”

Misa paced back and forth in her bedroom. Ryuk watched from the bed, going to town on his sixth apple of the night. 

“I-if Light wanted to give up the Death Note, he must have had a good reason for it right? But… he wouldn’t want Kira’s mission to end.”

Misa paced for another minute before stopping abruptly. She grabbed her Death Note off her desk and a jacket and ran out the door. Ryuk followed after he swallowed the core.

“So what are you gonna do?” the Shinigami questioned. The streets were mostly empty this time of night so it should be safe for her to talk to him.

“I’m going to the subway station. Someone’s bound to find it there during the morning rush.” She said, going down the stairs to the platform. 

“You’re gonna give it up.”

“I have to.” she put the notebook face down on a bench, “Ryuk, as soon as someone picks up the Death Note, I relinquish ownership of it. This way, by the time I wake up, I won’t remember anything. Hopefully, whoever finds it will continue Kira’s mission and Light and I can live happily ever after.”

_ Heh, not the most well thought out plan.  _ Ryuk thought. “Alright then Misa. It's been fun.”

Misa nodded and smiled. “Yeah. It has. Bye, Ryuk.”

  
  


Ryuk was right. It wasn’t the most well thought out plan. It was by sheer luck that the man who found and picked up the Death Note was Teru Mikami.


End file.
